The recent fires in Los Angeles have deeply impacted our community, leaving families grappling with loss and uncertainty. For children, the experience of losing their home, school, or sense of safety can be especially overwhelming. Their emotions may feel too big to express, and their questions may not always have easy answers. As a trauma therapist, I’ve seen how community-wide events like these can disrupt a child’s world. But I’ve also witnessed the incredible resilience that can emerge when children feel supported and understood. In this post, I’ll share practical strategies and insights to help parents, caregivers, and educators guide children through the emotional aftermath of this disaster.
- Acknowledge the Loss: Children process trauma differently depending on their age and personality, but all children need validation that their feelings—whether fear, sadness, or anger—are normal. Create space to listen without rushing to reassure them or fix their emotions. While it can be deeply difficult to see a child in pain, it’s important to resist the urge to immediately cheer them up or distract them. Processing emotions, even the hard ones, is a critical part of healing. Acknowledging their feelings without judgment helps children understand that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. Phrases like, “I can see how sad this makes you,” or “It’s really hard to go through this,” let them know their emotions are valid and don’t need to be hidden or suppressed. On the other hand, avoid saying things like, “Don’t cry,” or “It’s not that bad,” which can unintentionally make children feel their emotions are wrong or too big. At the same time, balance opportunities for emotional expression with moments of distraction and joy. Positive experiences—like playing a favorite game, watching a comforting movie, or spending time with loved ones—can help children feel safe and supported without bypassing their grief. This balance allows them to take breaks from the intensity of their emotions, which can otherwise feel overwhelming, while still returning to process those feelings when they’re ready. By offering both understanding and moments of relief, you’re helping them build the resilience they need to heal.
- Talk About What Happened: When talking to kids about a traumatic event like a fire, it’s important to provide age-appropriate, truthful information while being sensitive to their developmental needs. Children are remarkably perceptive and can often sense when they’re not being told the full truth, which can increase anxiety and erode trust. Honesty builds security, but the level of detail should match their age and ability to understand. For younger children, use simple explanations like, “There was a fire that damaged our home, but we’re safe now,” while older children may need more information to process what happened. Answer their questions directly, avoid unnecessary or graphic details, and limit their exposure to news coverage, which can overwhelm them with information they’re not ready to process and takes away your ability to control the flow of helpful information. Emphasize what is being done to keep them safe now, such as staying in a secure place or taking steps to rebuild. Reassure them with statements like, “We’re working hard to make sure you’re safe,” and let them know they can ask questions or revisit the topic anytime. By being honest, focusing on current safety, and controlling the flow of information, you help build trust and a sense of stability.
- Offer Predictability and Choice: In the midst of chaos, routines and a sense of control can provide children with much-needed stability and security. Reestablish simple daily rituals, even if they look different than before. If instability is ongoing, focus on small, manageable parts of their regular routine to implement, such as a bedtime story, a morning hug, or a family meal together. These consistent moments can act as anchors, helping children feel grounded even when other aspects of life are uncertain. At the same time, involve children in small decisions to help them regain a sense of control, which is often lost during displacement. Let them choose personal items to replace, plan family meals, or decide on small aspects of the new routine. These choices, though simple, can restore a feeling of agency and help them feel more secure as they navigate the changes around them. Balancing consistency with opportunities for decision-making allows children to feel both safe and empowered during uncertain times.
- Recognize the Signs of Trauma: After a traumatic event, children may show signs of distress in ways that are subtle or unexpected. These can include changes in behavior, sleep disturbances, increased clinginess, irritability, withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed, difficulty concentrating, or regressing to behaviors they had previously outgrown, like bedwetting or thumb-sucking. Some children may have physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches, without a clear medical cause. It’s important to remember that every child processes trauma differently. While some may express their feelings openly, others may suppress them, making it harder to identify their struggles. Pay close attention to any shifts in mood, behavior, or daily functioning, especially if these persist for several weeks or seem to be getting worse.
- Take Care of Yourself: As a parent, it’s natural to focus on your child’s well-being after a traumatic event, but your own emotional and physical health is just as important. Children often look to their caregivers for cues on how to process difficult situations, so taking care of yourself not only helps you but also provides them with a model of resilience and self-care. It’s okay to show real emotions to your child. Letting them see that you’re sad, frustrated, or scared—while also demonstrating how you manage those emotions—teaches them that feelings are normal and manageable. For example, saying something like, “I feel sad about what happened too, but I know we’re going to get through this together,” shows them that emotions don’t have to be overwhelming or hidden. At the same time, be mindful of when and how you express your emotions. Processing your strongest feelings with other adults or a therapist can prevent your child from feeling overwhelmed or like they need to take care of you. Finding time to connect with supportive friends, family, or professionals can give you the emotional space you need to recharge.
- Get Professional Support: Children who experience a traumatic event like a fire can greatly benefit from the support of a trauma-informed mental health professional. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for children to process their emotions, make sense of their experiences, and develop healthy coping strategies. Even if a child seems to be managing well on the surface, working with a therapist can help them build resilience and navigate any lingering emotions that may arise later. In the SGV, Soultenders is the largest mental health practice in the region, with over 200 therapists specializing in children’s mental health (626-701-4249). They offer evidence-based approaches, including play therapy, and accept most major insurances and many types of Medi-Cal, making therapy accessible to families. You can also call 211 or the Los Angeles Access Line (1-800-854-7771) or search the Psychology Today therapist database for additional support.
The Play, Heal, Grow Disaster Project is collecting funds to provide backpacks full of toys, books and art supplies to children who lost their homes in the Los Angeles wildfire. They are accepting donations via their GoFundMe and Amazon Wishlist. Contact Lauren Stockly at creativeplaytherapist.com for direct donations.
Click here for a list of therapists providing pro bono services to victims of the Los Angeles wildfires
Click here for a list of Child EMDR therapists offering probono sessions
Download “Fires and Feelings”: A children’s workbook on coping with wildfires and emotions by Leslie Santana for free HERE.
A book about the Altadena wildfires can be downloaded here.
Trinka and Sam: The Big Fire is a children’s story created by the Child National Traumatic Stress Network. It is available to download for free here.
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